Non-Jews are for practice
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
