remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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