I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
