peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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