So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
