The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
