I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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