life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
