im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
