I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
It was confusing and full of hummus
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
