I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
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Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
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If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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