I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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