Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
