I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
