I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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