A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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