I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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