HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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