Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
