they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
