I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
