is your mom at the bar?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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