i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
