if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
