Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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