Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
