Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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