Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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