There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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