I accidentally had phone sex last night
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I smell like Dick and happiness
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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