Yo dont text me then not text me
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
