Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Never joke about your clitoris.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
