She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
