the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
