there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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