do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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