I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
