this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
