Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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