You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
