the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
