worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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