Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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