my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
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