I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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