What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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