I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
