If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
