so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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