People with herpes should wear stickers.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
The air was thick with penises
That accounts for only three of the penises
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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