You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
