oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
dude i'm inner monologue high
Four minutes until I can fart!
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
This is my gift to your gina
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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