Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
