never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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