I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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