I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
