his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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