help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize