You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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