Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
