Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
