this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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