so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
