i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Enjoy the penises
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
